- Back in Wisconsin. Weeeee!

Got back to Fond du Lac on Monday around 6. Flight left LA at 8 AM, slight lay-over in Phoenix, then home to Milwaukee. When we descended through the cloud cover over Lake Michigan and all I could see was snow on the ground, you probably could've punched me in the face and my smile wouldn't have gone away. Yeah, that's a lie. A punch in the face would make playing trombone difficult and I'd be pissed about that. It was only four inches or so on the ground, but I'm freakin pumped to be in a place where there are actual changes in the weather ("oh, it's cold out today." "how cold is it?" "about 60 degrees." "go screw a dog, you dumbass." - actual conversation I overheard in the Valley).

Played all Sunday night since I didn't feel like trying to wake up for a 5 AM cab ride to the LAX flyaway. Still finished about 2k vpps shy of the bonus, but up about $650 on the day which gave me some more reasons to smile. Probably not the smartest thing to do, but I played after my parents went to bed around 10 until about 1:30 AM to try to release the rest of the bonus. So, even though I'd been awake (sans a 20 minute nap on one of the flights) from noon Sunday until 10 PM Monday, I still played about 30 games until I felt like I'd fall asleep at the desk. Plus, I didn't have my 30" monitor to help tile/cascade tables so it was mostly done on the lappy and my parents' monitor. Got another 1k vpps taken care of, though. Weeeee.

Finally plowed through the rest of it tonight in between dinner (my Dad grills the best damn pork ribs in the world) and my sis' rehearsal (she's directing a community theatre show in town) then went out and drank with some friends - partly to celebrate my sister's birthday and partly to, at least internally, celebrate the end of that freakin' 4k bonus.

November's poker is over and it's time to be honest. I wrote down a goal that I wanted to get 10k profit and 7.5k in bonuses prior to the new year, but I just don't think it's possible. This month really wasn't all bad - I got 4k in the bonus column released...BUT, I lost $151 dollars from November 1st to today. It's really not all bad though, I lost 3k over the first 2 weeks and then won it all back over the past 5 days or so (yes, after I realized that I needed to readjust and get back to the poker I'd played in Sept/Oct). In December I will definitely get the last 20k vpps I need to release the 2k vpp milestone bonus given for reaching 200k vpps in a year and will release another 1.5k bonus during that time (completing the 7.5k bonus goal), but I don't think it's likely that I can play enough games to get 10k profit in that time. Especially because one of the 3 weekends I'll be back on the West Coast will be spent in Vegas. It's just not likely, but maybe that'll be ample motivation for January (maybe many regs will take the month off to relax, too).



Since getting back less than two days ago, it's kinda weird to talk to people you know and have them ask the same two questions at some point in the conversation: "Have you gotten any gigs in LA yet?" and"So, what are you doing for money?" I'm able to diffuse the first question easily - "Yeah, TONS! It's like I walked into the LA area and everyone just said 'Wow, we've never had a trombone player out here before'." At which point, it's understood that it takes a long time to get legitimate, solid work playing music in any major city in America. Yes, I've taken lessons with some fantastic players here, but I probably won't see any great gigs for several more months...it's just the nature of the beast. The second question, though, is a lot more uncomfortable to discuss. My parents don't feel all that comfortable with me playing poker for a living and most of my friends think that I could "lose all my winnings in one hand." If it's someone that I don't feel will understand or accept my current financial situation, I drop the old "I saved a lot before moving out there [blatant lie] and some of my friends can get me some side jobs at E! or in production work when things get tough [very possible, but probably won't come up]." Usually, though, I just try to avoid talking money with people altogether. What's the point?

Is it worth trying to explain how much time I've spent working on sngs? Is it worth trying to explain how long it took me to make a paltry 30k at sngs? Is it worth trying to explain how I made absolutely no physical profit over 1500 sngs in November? Is it worth trying to explain (again) why someone should not even think about trying to start playing poker for a livign? In a word, hell no (yeah, that's two words. Bite me). The next four days will give me a lot of time to practice avoiding that question, I guess. My extended family is huge and we're all close (not proximity-wise, just that everyone gets along really well), so it's gonna get asked a lot.

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all, shut the hell up. It's an adapted Family Guy quote, sue me.

- Beer and tacos for all!

I owe a huge thank you to 1mikeand1 and l0bsta for helping me during this downswing. Took more than just a change in luck to get things rolling again. Turns out there were a lot of missed opportunities and bubbles that I completely shied away from just to avoid bad beats - which meant I was forfeiting tons of equity and allowed myself to get crippled really easily.

Mike had some especially solid points to turn my suckometer off. First, I dropped my table volume back to 12, but did it in a way that wasn't mindless. He said to start with 4 tables, then once the blinds hit 25/50 bump in another 4 while keeping the high blind tables at the top of my monitor. It's pretty ridiculous how much you miss in early game situations when you just rev up 15-20 tables every time. Note-taking, spotting the fish within two or three hands, and taking minor risks to stack a fish early became so easy it's sick.

So, we were also discussing the difficulties posed to sng grinders and how tough it is to become one of the best at a game that, more or less, is a solved one. Obviously there are the endless variables of who's pushing what in which position and can I call based on his most recent action or has he adjusted to my range, etc. etc. etc. Most of the regs at the 38s and 27s are actually very easy to read and call against (I guess many of the 60s regs, too). With everyone push-botting so well, Mike said it's probably within our best interest to try to pick up chips in the early levels without risking much, if anything. If the last 3 days have been any indication, he's absolutely right. Just because you double up early in a sng does not guarantee you'll win (or even cash), BUT it definitely gave me 3 or 4 opportunites in my last two sessions to survive in spots that I would've busted earlier in the month.

Example: A fish donked off his stack in the 3rd hand of a 38 this morning when his A7o (that he limped utg) hit top pair, but couldn't beat my flopped nut flush (KQs) on an As4s8s board.
--brief aside -- Now, I am totally not advocating playing any two sooooted cards or baby-aces or pocket pairs that don't have good implied odds, but there are definitely spots that are +ev for the most part. A.) There were 4 limpers (before the blinds) in the pot making the odds favorable for me. B.) I was on the button making it easy to get out if one of the blinds raised or there was a rough flop. C.) I'm not a complete freakin moron when it comes to reading boards/opponents. Yeah, there may be players that will limp AK in early position in one of these so I'm obviously not going to turn into Jo-jo, the idiot circus boy, when I hit a king. However, when I do hit a very strong hand against someone I've pegged as an fishdonk, I'm going to do everything I can to take him to the cleaners - and, fortunately, many of them oblige. --aside over--

Anyway, because I had the good fortune of stacking a guy early in the game, once we got to 4 or 5 handed (can't remember exactly), I called a reg's shove with a K7s blind vs. blind at 100/200 with antes (he had about 1600 chips). After losing to his J5 (obv), I'd normally be either on the rail or very close to it. Managed to chip back up with my remaining 1800 and took 2nd. True, the early KQs will not hit very often and most of the time I'll forfeit 20 chips or play down a very small pot, but this time it worked out and got me some money.

If you completely disagree with that play and think it's stupid to risk any chip you don't need to early in a sng, settle the hell down because you very well could be right. I'm just trying some new things to see what works and make improvements where possible.

Trying to finish off this $4k bonus before I leave for home on Monday...really don't know if I can make it in time. Have about 5800 vpps left to release (about 360 games at the 38s) and only 3 days to do it. Still, it's good to figure out that my luck is turning around because I was bubble-sucking, not because Stars hates me.

L0bsta, come to LA so I can get you some beer and Chipotle with Mike.

- To describe the indescribable

Got what I wanted. A winning session! It was the first one of the day and the first in several days...sadly, the rest of the 100 games on the day were standard and I lost all the profit plus another 200.

There were several hands I felt could aptly demonstrate the day of poker, but I'll just spare you. Honestly, my 80/20s and AJ v. AT on the bubble just need to hold up. I'm glad I didn't keep track of the number of times I bubbled after abusing the table and losing three hands to bust me (at least two of which I was crushing).

- very confident in one thing -

At the end of this "Stars era of pain," I will be an absolutely fantastic push/folder. It may come when my bankroll reads "0.00," but it will come.

Played one more session tonight. 20 games. AA all in pre won 1 for 5. KK all in pre went 2 for 7. Not bad, not bad at all. Figured I'd have one winning session in the last 3 days. Maybe it'll come tomorrow (even a +5 dollar session please). I'm going to go drink and eat oreos alone on the couch now.

- Strongly debating quitting

This downswing has reached a point of being completely ridiculous. 7 times this session (45 games) did I get to heads-up with a substantial lead. In all 7 I lost 2 flips or was dominating and then took 2nd. At the 38s that's a loss of almost 450 dollars for those 7 - even if I only won 4/7 that's still 250 dollars more than what I won. I honestly feel like my push/fold has improved exponentially these last few days, too.

Example:
PokerStars Game #22132584470: Tournament #121207819, $35+$3 Hold'em No Limit - Level IX (300/600) - 2008/11/17 19:30:40 ET
Table '121207819 1' 9-max Seat #5 is the button
Seat 4: arturopr (2187 in chips)
Seat 5: wc kid (4135 in chips)
Seat 8: superfamous (3392 in chips)
Seat 9: fattymcbones (3786 in chips)
arturopr: posts the ante 50
wc kid: posts the ante 50
superfamous: posts the ante 50
fattymcbones: posts the ante 50
superfamous: posts small blind 300
fattymcbones: posts big blind 600
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to fattymcbones [Js Kc]
arturopr: folds
wc kid: folds
superfamous: raises 2742 to 3342 and is all-in
fattymcbones: calls 2742
*** FLOP *** [9c 5c Kh]
*** TURN *** [9c 5c Kh] [Ad]
*** RIVER *** [9c 5c Kh Ad] [5h]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
superfamous: shows [5s 9h] (a full house, Fives full of Nines)
fattymcbones: shows [Js Kc] (two pair, Kings and Fives)
superfamous collected 6884 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 6884 | Rake 0
Board [9c 5c Kh Ad 5h]
Seat 4: arturopr folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 5: wc kid (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 8: superfamous (small blind) showed [5s 9h] and won (6884) with a full house, Fives full of Nines
Seat 9: fattymcbones (big blind) showed [Js Kc] and lost with two pair, Kings and Fives

This is a spot I wouldn't have called a week ago. Noticing the shortstack and the note I had on superfamous (knowing 100% of hands would be shoved by him) this was a no-brainer call. He told me in the chatbox when I typed "obv" that I made a very poor call considering the shorties stack. Wrong. In sngwiz, this says I can call down to K9o (26%) and it's still profitable against his any two cards.

This genuinely might be variance, but I'm feeling more and more like I pissed off pokerstars. Yeah, that's probably a stupid thing to say, but they did have the software installed to see which internet sites we visited last week (i.e. sharkscope) so it is absolutely possible for them (even if it is completely unlikely) to pinpoint a single player on their site that continues to use that site and punish them accordingly.

- look, Stars, we gotta talk.

If I'm going to win back the money that you've screwed me out of this month, you have to stop doing this. I can't keep playing well if you ram it down my throat to ruin session after session.

This particular guy shoved continuously heads-up post-flop. I'd caught him twice with top pair and checked to double-up to even stacks (both times he'd shoved with air or bottom/mid pair and weak kicker).

Level VIII (200/400) - 2008/11/16 18:37:52 ET
9-max Seat #8 is the button
Seat 5: fattymcbones (6621 in chips)
Seat 8: (champion of life) (6879 in chips)
fattymcbones: posts the ante 25
(I hate this guy): posts the ante 25
(still hate this guy): posts small blind 200
fattymcbones: posts big blind 400
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to fattymcbones [9c Qs]
(idiot donk): calls 200
fattymcbones: checks
*** FLOP *** [2d Tc 9h]
fattymcbones: checks
(crapshow): bets 6454 and is all-in
fattymcbones: calls 6196 and is all-in
Uncalled bet (258) returned
*** TURN *** [2d Tc 9h] [2s]
*** RIVER *** [2d Tc 9h 2s] [3c]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
fattymcbones: shows [9c Qs] (two pair, Nines and Deuces)
(yay, stars wins): shows [2c Js] (three of a kind, Deuces)
(suck it, fatty) collected 13242 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 13242 | Rake 0
Board [2d Tc 9h 2s 3c]
Seat 5: fattymcbones (big blind) showed [9c Qs] and lost with two pair, Nines and Deuces
Seat 8:(phil helmuth) (button) (small blind) showed [2c Js] and won (13242) with three of a kind, Deuces

Admittedly, winning this hand would not have caused my bankroll to magically regain the month's net loss, but these situations just keep forcing break-even or slight losing sessions. I've only got a week left before my flight home for Thanksgiving. Maybe, just maybe, pstars will forgive me for whatever I did and let me regain at least some winnings.

- bought a car

Don't freak out, it's just a '94 Saturn...yeah, really balla. Btw, I hate the term "balla." It reminds me of the unbelievably stupid frat guys at IU running around with their pink polo popped collars. Granted, I was a stupid fraternity guy when at UW-EC, but still (and never, ever with a popped collar - unless it was to mock the Chad's and Kip's).

Dropped down to the 38s to try to get some confidence back and curb the animosity towards poker. Gone are the days when I would break a mouse because of the 40th bubble in a row (really only happened once and the new mouse I bought was totally worth it). Since this is pretty much my job until the music stuff starts to hit big, I've got to sack up and avoid any negative emotion for as long as possible when I'm playing.

From the 1st to the middle of the 13th I dropped about 50 buy-ins at the $60 9-mans and, if you add in the steps, that goes up a little more to about 55 or so. I thought I was either going insane, playing absolutely terribly, or the games were just becoming impossible to beat. Kept checking hands and situations and have come to the conclusion that I still like to call people lighter than necessary. Just because I see a player pushing a proper spot for any two cards obviously does not mean he's pushing that light. The variance was probably caused by a combo of my erraticly wide calls and some pretty stupid luck (almost went back to see how many 80/20's I lost, but probably would've just started crying). You know, overall I think I could improve my value-extraction skills, too. Was watching one of the best regs at the 38s (and probably across most of the sng levels) Goldneagl while we were playing against each other tonight and he seems to always get the most from his hands. Not saying I suck at it, but I think while playing 15-20 tables at a time, I certainly don't get maximum value from all situations and hands.

Oh, yeah, also the fact that I was playing against 4 regs in nearly every $60 killed me. A few of them really know their push/fold well while others just know general guidelines. Example: Ok regular pushed into me with 1490 chips at 75/150 from utg (I was BB). I was expecting something along the lines of 77/88+, AJs+ (which if run for a 7-handed table in sngwiz would be a correct range based on the majority of the table's calling range), but he obviously flips over KQo when I call with QQ...guess who won? The good thing about him turning his King, though, is that he'll probably make the same mistake again.

The goal from here on is table selection. Late at night and early in the morning there usually aren't many grinders at all. I'll probably just try to aim my playing around the decent hours or move down to where they're not playing at all. After all, what's the point of playing for practically no equity at the 60s when I can move down and still average $3-4 per game? Hopefully I can get back on track to make 10k profit and 7.5k in bonuses before Christmas. Probably won't get much playing once I leave for Indiana in a week, though.

- good mindset doesn't equal good results

Got up early this morning to get some random things done and play before many of the regulars hit the site. Unfortunately, even with fewer table regs, my ridiculous streak continues. I haven't had a win in my last 45 games or so and only 3 in my last 75. When you think about it, that's absolutely ridiculous. Since the payout scale on Star sngs is so heavy for 1st place, it's really crushing me to not get many (or any) wins across these last sessions. I think I'm down about 2500 on the month so far (not including about 300 on step tourneys...I'm done with those things. They're cake to play, but I always seem to get a couple step 5s and then poof. Done.) and about 750 on the day. It's still before noon, so maybe things will turn around this afternoon.

It's easy when running bad to just assume variance and bad luck (and maybe Lee Jones) are punching you in the kidneys. Managed to run about 10 hands from last session and 2 bubble situations and really can't see any glaring mistakes. I don't know, but as far as I can tell I'm really not playing any differently than I was for the last couple months. That stupid helpless feeling isn't a real solid motivator to play more, which is exactly what I need to keep doing. I suppose I could try to look at the positive from the last few table hours, though - I've managed to let the random swearing and donk berating slowly subside into an awestruck, confused head motion. Maybe that'll stick and I won't feel like "chat hating" anymore.

- sometimes I wonder about the doom switch...

This blog (and this post) will not turn into a bad beat saga. I really get tired of listening to beats and no one enjoys the guy who constantly tells you about his latest tale of sadness. But, the month of November has really been the worst month of good poker I've ever played. I'm only down about 1k over 450 games or so, but it's been absolutely infuriating. I mean, like punch a whole through your monitor type of infuriating. By the end of sessions I'm pissed off and don't feel like doing anything except hunting down the idiot opponents I run into with a sharpened MacBook. Fortunately those feelings really only stay for about 10 minutes at the maximum and then I can get other stuff done.

I've had my chat back on Pokerstars for a couple months now and am kind of regretting it. It's nice to make some friends with a few of the decent regulars at the tables, yes, but mostly it just gives me an opportunity to freak out when some idiot snaps off on the bubble with A6o from the small blind. If you somehow find this blog (and you know who you are), yes, I do push things like J5o when I'm the big stack at 200/400 because there are so few hands you can accurately call with - especially when there's a microstack at the table that has already folded. Trust me, A6o in the small blind is one of the worst plays and you spew your equity all over the place. But, no, I'm not bitter that my AK went down to your A-rag for the 3rd time that game and about the 50th of that session. Now I'm angry again.

Through the last couple months I've had my chat blocked a couple times (once by me and once by stars) and been warned a couple times. Reasons varied from insulting a foreign player (he was German and bragged that English was his 2nd language...he'd also sucked out on me 4 hands in a row and I couldn't deal with it) to insulting another foreign player (he was French - not going to explain further) and arguing with regulars about someone's poor play. I don't know, but it felt like I played a more level-headed game without the option of the chatbox. Not saying I'm prone to tilt, because honestly, I'd stop playing so much if every session ended in vicious cycles of tilt. But I definitely stop paying as much attention to all my tables when there's some idiot (fish or not) that needs my verbal ramblings. My angry rant serves no positive purpose either. The fish or regular that I'm pissed at isn't going to apologize or transfer me money because of how awfully they play. The only logical result would be that they they celebrate at how furious I am or they make a slight adjustment next time and play the hand better (exactly what I don't want).

I don't know. Maybe if I get my chat perma-banned from stars I can just click out the table when I bust to an idiot and leave it at that. If anyone has suggestions for how to get perma-banned, I'd appreciate them.

- swings and streaks

I only really became a pro sng grinder starting in late August when I moved here to LA. In these few months, I've actually been relatively successful and consistent. Was grinding mainly 38s for the first month and then shifted up to the 60s in early October. I guess I was really fortunate for the first two months because, although there was plenty of variance, it never hit like it has at the 60s.

There's a real difference, I think, between the 60s and the 38s that I've seen. Sure, at any level of sit'n'go you have guys that know they should push/fold, but at the 38s, there seemed to be more players that knew less about it. At the 60s everyone and their mom knows they should push when the blinds have started to become bigger. The games are still profitable because so few players push/fold accurately - or even know how to figure out what is an 'accurate' push. Obviously, with all of these players pushing (instead of a few more of them folding at the lower limit), there's increased variance.

A couple guys at the 60s absolutely crush the game. I've only played 2k of them since September, but feel like I should've made a lot more than I have and I can't quite figure out why. Sometimes, I make glaring mistakes like calling someone waaaaay too light when they're not a regular (most of the time these guys are pushing legit hands, but I still talk myself into a poor call), but mostly I think my 3-handed play has suffered somehow. Suppose I'll just have to plug more hands into my broken sngwiz program.

- introductory comments and general procrastination

Welcome. I'm not sure how many people I will inform about this blog since the majority of the material presented will be of little interest to most. However, I feel like I need an outlet for poker discussion on the internet (considering I no longer frequent pocketfives, 2+2, or pxf for various reasons). Maybe this will just turn into a daily/weekly account of my poker life and the general twists and turns of variance. Maybe I'll discuss my thoughts on certain situations within the games that I play and offer suggestions to myself (and anyone else who feels they could work). Most likely, though, it will end up being an accountablity tool to keep my poker goals on track.

Right now, I should be either purchasing plane tickets back home for Thanksgiving, taking care of my car insurance, going to the gym or practicing piano (in anticipation of my final requirement for graduation from Indiana). Instead, I decided to start a less than rewarding poker blog and will probably update again before I take care of any of the important things in my life.